Insulting Jokes -Claire

[Chasing]

Shrek easily dwarfed Saint who was calmly standing outside the stable, eyes rolled back in his head, hipshot to hell and drooling. Shrek who stood next to him easily lost attention because of the drool. "Good Lord man, is that horse alive?", Jamie asked, checking Shrek's leg wraps one last time. "Him. Yeah he's alive, he doesn't have much fire to him when he's not being ridden", Chasing explained, climbing into the saddle of the cremello stallion. "He's very laid back".

Jamie climbed into Shrek's saddle and cast his eyes over Saint, "Any more laidback and he'd be vulture feed", he commented as the two of them began to head over to the red course. "Yeah well, the few shows we were in he all but ruined my chances to have children", Chasing replied with a smile. Despite Chasing's professional status, Jamie's seat at the trot was much better than Chasing's, testement to Jamie's teacher or Chasing's apathy. "Poor ye, och I bet ye do well enough", the scotsman gave a smile as they crested a hill.

[Nicole]

She had been waiting for them. All she had to do was put on a few more wraps and Gunner was ready to go. He was warmed up, stretched out, and the course could be run like a real match if she wanted to. Claire sat there at the top of the hill and gazed out over the course and the landscape. It was a lovely afternoon, really, perfect for such a ride. Funny thing that it was almost an all male party. She should have diversified it a bit more and brought out Kleido, but this course was far too much for her greenery standings. Claire needed a good hard ride anyway and Gunner deserved a chance to put the men to shame in his own way.

As they approached, she turned towards them, leaving Gunner in his squared stance. Claire gave them a smile and a wave as they neared. Chasing was riding Saint? Had he even done any work with the horse? Last she recalled he was nearly killed going over a fence with the stud. Completely out of control. On the other hand, the chesnut gelding behind him had all the moves of an Arabian with the height of a Thoroughbred, clearly Jamie then. Interesting lot. It did make her wonder about them a little, though she was not going to instigate anything, she was happy being content to their teasing each other simply enough, she was not going to get between the two and intensify it.

"Took long enough." Claire remarked as if she had been bored and waiting for hours. "Are the retired showman and the novice rider ready, then?" She teased.

[Chasing]

"She's going to show off isn't she?", Jamie turned to Chasing, who was idly playing with his reins, slapping them against Saint's neck just because the stallion wouldn't spook at the gentle taps. "More than likely, she takes a great delight in showing off. But she can't help it, she's got talent oozing out of her pores", Chasing nodded sadly. Jamie gave a sigh, "Take it easy on an old man then will ye dear, I'd like to be able to drive back to me apartment tonight", he pleaded from Claire. Chasing turned to look at him, "If you can't handle this course Jamie, I'll eat my helmet, the jumps are well within your range".

Jamie shot Chasing an evil look but only chuckled. "If I fall off this is my 'I told you so'", Jamie retorted. "I'll stand by each jump and couch you through it old man", Chasing promised him, "See I'll be over there by the lovely vertical. Shrek could walk over it", he pointed towards a two foot high log before putting heels to Saint. The cremello stallion gave a pitiful snort at being worked but stepped up into a collected canter. "He's torturing me", Jamie muttered to Claire, having Shrek side-step over to her. "But lasses first as me da alas said".

[Nicole]

"Not talking about me, are you two?" Claire asked as she raised an eyebrow at the pair. Surely they were with the way they looked her way and spoke amongst each other in quieter tones. Just because they teased each other meant she could not join in? Of course not. Leave it to boys to make it a boy's only club event.

She laughedat Jamie, "You're no old man, my father might be, but you aren't. You couldn't possibly be past 35 years old." Claire said, her voice carrying off into the valley a little as she said it. Perhaps it would be best not to be too loud about anything she said. It might reach ears that shouldn't hear such banter. "But if you request so, then I'll not push my limits unless Gunner rejects." Not that the black gelding beneath her would. He adored jumping.

"Is he now?" Claire asked, "Thank you my good gentleman." She said, giving him a small bow of her head and turned Gunner about. She followed after the cremello but with better luck than Chasing. Gunner picked up his canter in one fluid stride and though he wanted to stretch out his gait, was restrained by Claire's tight hold on the reins. With Chasing and Saint ahead and Jamie and Shrek behind, it'd be nice single file over the jump. "Well Gunner, do you think I'm in a spot of trouble being between these two?" She whispered to the horse.

[Chasing]

Chasing didn't put Saint over the jump for which the stallion appeared sublimely happy as he took up station under a waiting tree. The horse immediatly went hipshot and dropped his head, eyelids closing to cover his eyes. "Lazy bum, I'll sell you to the leatherman", he threatened the stallion good-naturedly. He would do no such thing. Saint was the last remaining remnant of his own beloved horse. Even if the stallion had been unridable Chasing would have kept him.

"Well then me lad, shall we?", Jamie rolled his eyes as he followed after Claire. Shrek flowed smoothly into a collected trot and within moments he was approaching the jump. On the horse's part it was like watching poetry. His take-off was smooth and powerful, feet tucked up into his shoulders, hind legs extended. His landing was soft with very little jarring. It was a perfect snapshot photo, of the horse. The rider however didn't quite get his rear out of the seat, arms extended to give his horse enough head and well, his shoulders and posture were a bit a rough. Perfect example of what not to do when jumping.

"That was good", Chasing said, catching up to Shrek, "Shrek you are a marvelous jumper. Your rider on the other hand", he shook his head. "No hope, dump him and run away to be my horse". "A little help would be nice chap", Jamie replied irritably, "Instead o'ye seducing me horse away". "Getting your butt of the saddle would be a good start. I told you to work on your leg muscles, I know you stay in hotels with weight rooms in them".

[Nicole]

Gunner had taken the jump in stride. Claire had been in perfect form. It was a silly extension of a warm-up course. Enough to warrant work, but not quite enough to warrant it a true work out. Claire circled Gunner, pulled him into a nice collected trot so that she could sit it and not post and watched Jamie fly over the jump on Shrek. It was something that made her wince. He wasn't terrible, he was horrible. And what did Chasing have to say about it, just that he had to lift his butt.

"God, more than that." Claire added. "Your balance is off, you sit too far back, your posture is terrible and you're pulling back on the reins because you don't bring your arms forward." She shook her head. "You're like a beginner almost, at least you stayed on." Claire's face was marred by a wince. She could have been harsher, but hadn't. He was new and at least what she said was true, just not as cold. "Not that there isn't room for more improvement."

What a strange combination. A do-it-all horse that if he was any less than that would not be able to take care of his less than natural rider. Goodness. If only he had some good advice from his friend, not just jabs added with jokes. Claire eyed Chasing, was he being nice or just simply did not care?

[Chasing]

"Aye well so?", Jamie turned to Chasing. "This is why I don't take lessons from ye", he said then turned to Claire and listened to her before adding, "Well I be the first to admit I am a wee bit lazy", he told her. "And that's why I don't teach you", Chasing rolled his eyes, "neither one of us can be serious for an entire moment together". Which was partly true. How can you be serious with someone who's excuse for everything is he's lazy and old? It's not like Jamie was ever going to compete. "Will you go over that jump again, correctly this time? I know you were just feeling her out but I don't have all day".

"Sure ye do, I'm paying your wages today", Jamie gave Chasing a grin before backing Shrek up. They paced a good distance back the way they came then cantered towards the vertical again. This jump was entirely different. Oh not on the horse's part, his jump was flawless, clean and clear and under control. Jamie's portion was. While his seat was nowhere perfect it was what would be expected from his level of riding knowledge. His balance was better, his arms extended. It was a one hundred percent improvement, though it lacked finesse and the ability to make it look easy. His posture looked like it was work but that was from lack of practical experience not skill.

"You are a doofus, you happy now?", Chasing asked his friend. Jamie turned a beet red face to Claire, ignoring Chase, and said, "Ye are truly a miracle worker. I think ye for the advice", then he trotted off whistling. Chasing glanced over at Claire, "He was just making sure you were a decent kind of instructor. He's had some bad ones over the years. I think he likes you", he gave her his charming smile, "Polish him up and make him shine Claire, maybe I can talk him into a jumper show sometime this summer". That said, Chasing followed Jamie up to the next jump a simple ditch where horse and rider had paused to wait on Chasing and Claire.

[Nicole]

"Hardly." Claire responded to Jamie when he returned. If she were a real miracle worker, there were many things she would have changed and then life as she knew it would surely be different. "But it was better." She had been keeping an eye on Chasing. She had the suspicious inkling of a thought that he knew something about Jamie and his riding. Like he pretended to be bad and in truth was actually just untrained.

"You don't ride balanced, it forces the horse to stay beneath you which may someday cause him to become unbalanced and that is when accidents happen." Claire said, something she learned at a young age and had seen many times over at schooling shows and professional shows alike. Granted there was much more to say, but Jamie had taken off with Shrek and left her with Chasing who said a rather remarkeable thing.

She raised an eyebrow at him and watched him lead off towards the next jump. "Like my resume is not good enough he needs to ride badly on purpose and wait for my opinion?" Claire shook her head. Was this really about riding, or was this a roundabout way of getting her to go out to dinner with the man? Or maybe it was something else entirely...

[Chasing]

Chasing shrugged, "He's never seen your resume. He doesn't know you from my nanny, if I had a nanny", he told her pausing just out of earshot of Jamie. "It's not an insult to you or anything, honestly he doesn't know a thing about you other than you can ride and now you can teach. Both of which he's seen first hand", his smile was mysterious, "he's a businessman first Claire, he thinks differently than us horse people". He gave another shrug, rolled his eyes and turned to face Jamie who had just ridden up.

"So I need to work on me balance yes?", Jamie asked looking first to Claire than Chasing. "Any special tips on that or do ye want me to wing it?" He asked Claire, stretching his legs out to the side of Shrek. To show how apathetic he actually was to the whole affair, Saint yawned and then moved over to chew on Shrek's whithers. The gelding gave a happy little sigh, eyes fluttering. "Quit horse, we don't support that kind of affection in the south", Chasing jerked Saint's head back. "I'm'll go jump, work with him Claire". Chasing slapped Saint's shoulders with the reins and cantered off to go jump something, so that his horse wasn't staying lazy. "Bit o'a homophobe isn't he?", Jamie muttered while waiting for further instructions.

[Nicole]

Claire sighed and shook her head. "Enough to discourage natural horse behavior." She smiled a little and laughed, "though I'm not surprised, he might tolerate some things but I don't think he'll ever be the type to accept homosexuals." Ah well, that was how things were with some people and it was how it was with him.

"If I were you and your teacher, you wouldn't be going over jumps at all." She told Jamie with absolute seriousness and suddenly reverted to teacher, preacher mode. "You need to work on balance and there are several ways to do that, but for jumping, there is only one." Her finger was raised as she continued, "You have to ride all gaits in half-seat, or two point, and hold it. Once you can ride flatwork in the gaits and through transitions, then I would set you over a fence." For jumping, balance was key. If you lost it in the beginning, you could completely blow the landing. If you lost it in the landing, the next jump would never be made. It was an integral part of riding, too. Little cues were easily lost or jumbled up if balance was not centered.

"But since we're out here, and your legs might not be up to it, we'll have to make do." Claire eased up here and smiled. "I'm sorry if I got carried away, I get it from my father most likely. I'm a stickler for detail." She laughed a little uneasily, "Probably half the reason I'm practically number one in dressage."

[Chasing]

Jamie gave her a smile, "Me legs are up to it. I'm not nearly as inept as Chasing makes me out to be. I'm just out o'practice. It's been about six months since I wasna place long enough to ride and they had jumps", he explained. Chasing's smiles were all good ol'southern boy, full of charm and personality, Jamie's smiles were expressions of genuine emotion. He was a more serious version of Chasing. "I wouldn't ken about the dressage rankings but I'm a stickler too. Probably why I make a killing inna stock market and can retire in four years". Four years. It couldn't come soon enough. Then he could settle down with his horses, maybe find a wife, have a few kids and travel when he wanted to, not because he had too.

"Anyway, ye said a haf seat? Haf seat over the jump as well?", he asked, his face quizzical as he thought everything out. Chasing would have called him on being thoughtful, he always claimed Jamie thought too much about his riding. he should learn to go with the flow. That was ok for people like Chasing who had grown up riding but Jamie had to see things in his mind first before he did them. Well most things.

[Nicole]

She nodded, alright, he was game. He didn't know much about it, but he was open to it. That was promising enough to make her smile again. "I'm no stockbroker and you're no equestrian, but with enough hard work anyone can do anything." She gave him a quick thumbs-up and set herself into a more professional air.

"You are supposed to go into half-seat whenever you jump. It is how you maintain your balance on the horse and helps the horse in the jump. It frees up their shoulders and keeps you safer." Claire explained and then she turned Gunner so that he stood broadside to Jamie. She rose up and settled herself into the half-seat position and looked over at him. She was balanced on her toes and set her weight into her calves, her butt up and in the air ever so slightly and hands forward. "Like this."

Claire sat back down, "If you can hold that through gaits and transitions, you'll have no problem in jumping a fence."

[Chasing]

"So the bugger was right", Jamie replied watching Claire. "I should listen to him but he's usually wrong", he explained, "so let's not tell him he was right this time", he gave Claire a wink as he copied her motion. He settled into a half-seat position wavering for a moment as he tried to find his balance. "This would be easier if I was fifteen again", he muttered. Shrek turned his head to look back at his rider, expressino clearly wondering what the man was doing. "Don't look at me like that horse", Jamie rolled his eyes. "So let's see if I can keep my balance while moving? This is as good a spot as any", he told Claire.

"Move it lump", Jamie urged Shrek into a collected trot. Too well-trained to argue, the horse moved out. They trotted in a large circle. it was easy to see that Jamie's balance was a bit off, he wavered back and forth in the saddle before finally finding his balance. One he found a comfortable balance the horse flowed into a smooth canter, his balance was a bit better now that had the hang of things though every once in a while he'd still wiggle in the saddle abit and struggle to find it. "Jump now?", he called out over his shoulder as he circled near her.

[Nicole]

Claire looked at him with a small look of confusion. "Bugger?" She asked and then as if it had suddenly come to her, she gave a little nod. "You mean Chasing, right?" She nodded in agreement. "Sure, your secret is safe with me." She smiled back at Jamie.

"It might, but not even the rich can turn back the hands of time." Claire said in response. She took the time to readjust her reins and position herself so that she could watch Jamie ride. He would need a lot of practice, but he would improve. With luck, he would improve quickly. He was improving already. "Though you can try, you can only go back to such an age in your memories." It was a bittersweet thought really.

Claire laughed and shook her head. "No, you have to practice this a few times more. Try going in and out of the position while in the gaits. When you're jumping you are not always in half-seat, you rise into it before the jump and leave it when you land." She explained and waited for Jamie to try it like that.

[Chasing]

Jamie nodded to show that he understood what she was saying and brought Shrek back down to a trot. Then he began to practice what she had just explained to him. He settled himself into the saddle and then began to rise up into a half seat while the horse was still moving. He found it hard to do at first but that was mostly from lack of practice. His mind knew what to do, his body had just forgotten. After a few abortive attempts he finally managed to successfully go up and down into a half-seat a few times. His balance was from perfect but it was decent and certainly indicative of his riding level. He moved Shrek into a canter then and began the entire exercise all over again.

When he felt he had it down pat he brought the gelding up near Claire and paused for a moment. "No perfect but eh", he shrugged, removing a bright green handkerchief from his pocket and wiping his face. "Now can I jump, otherwise he'll come back and make fun o'me", he told Claire as he nodded towards Chasing who was schooling Saint over a bank jump.